


Desire is Pain and Pain is Desire

by Mistressshadow



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-06
Updated: 2013-04-06
Packaged: 2017-12-07 13:19:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/748942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistressshadow/pseuds/Mistressshadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A love story of betrayal and a reunion between Sora Cousland and Cailan Therin - had there been a history between before Ostagar and what had happened between them to cause Cailan to pretend to not know who she was? Will they reignite their passions or will hurt and betrayal prevent them from finding each other again? *Alistair will make his appearance later on as well.*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A long a waited arrival

Discalimer: I do not own the dragon age games, nor do I plan to make any sort of profit off this series. This story will contain adult language, themes, and sexual conduct, so minors should not be reading this story. The Author is not responsible for any minors reading this story, minors should be under the supervision of parents when on the internet ****  
****Prologue****  
Sora Cousland, now twenty-four years old, Bryce Cousland’s little spitfire was a beauty beyond reckoning and still was not married or betrothed. Her father couldn’t figure out if it was due to her being a warrior or because she felt she needed to live her own life, but men and some women took interest in his little girl, the men who sought out to be her betrothed was a list long enough for any father to be proud, but she had shown little interest in any of those men. He had even hoped that maybe she would be interested in Ser Gilmore, but even Ser Gilmore didn’t seem to be of much interest to her, but little did he know, she was not only interested in someone, but in love with the most inappropriate yet proper person for her, because he was already married and King of all Fereldan.  
**********

 

Desire is Pain and Pain is Desire Chapter 1 – A long waited arrival  
Sora remembered exactly how it had happened. King Maric and her father were comrades back in their day and had fought beside each other many times, so it would only be natural for their children to have grown up with each other. Cailan Therin had been foremost at first like a brother to her then he became her best friend, but that eventually changed over time. It wasn’t too long ago when she had three best friends in those days, Thor, her ever-loving mabri hound; Ser Gilmore, a knight in her father’s service to Highever, and Cailan Therin, Prince of Fereldan.   
She had turned sixteen years old, eight years ago, and she had grown into her body as a woman, and it was in that year that most of the men in Highever started to speak of her beauty, figure, and her general ass kicking skills, because Sora would never be just a wallflower to be looked at, she had certainly had skill with a blade, in fact, her training partners generally were Ser Gilmore and Cailan when his family was visiting, but Sora remembered the day that Cailan started to act differently towards her and her to him, it was on her sixteenth birthday.   
*** 8 years ago ***  
Sora had been practically pacing around her room in anticipation for her best buddy’s arrival, she couldn’t count how many times her mother, Eleanor, told her not to be so informal with the Prince of Fereldan, but those please fell on deaf ears, because he would always be one of her best friends, and Cailan was arriving in Highever. Cailan was two years older than her and he getting poked and prodded from every angle to finally be betrothed, but anyone who knew Cailan, knew that he was far from faithful, in fact anyone who did know him, knew how many women he had slept with. Cailan and Sora would sometimes sneak into each other’s rooms and he would tell her about his recent conquests and how women threw themselves at him, but what Cailan truly enjoyed was the hunt of his conquests, so usually once he slept with a woman he was done with her. Sora still loved Cailan despite his risqué nature.   
Sora hadn’t seen Cailan in close to a year and it had been driving her insane, she knew that things were crazy in Denerim, but a year had been longest the two of them had been apart since they first met when she was seven years old.   
Sora nearly jumped out of her skin, when she heard the guard say that the outside gates had seen the king’s men and carriages making their way up the hill. Sora eagerly ran out of her room and down the hall, nearly plowing down other guests as she ran for the outside. She was happy to see that her father, mother, Fergus and Ser Gilmore, were already outside waiting for their arrival.  
It took everything in her to stand still as she watched carriages and horses come through the front gates and into the large courtyard with the stables in the distance. Sora could feel her mother’s glare because of her unlady like behavior, she could hear Fergus’s snickering as he glanced in her direction, because he knew just like every body else how excited she had been over the past couple weeks as she anticipated his arrival.  
Sora felt her heart stop for a few precious moments as the carriages stopped at the grand staircase. She could hardly move as her and her family walked down the stair s to greet the King and Cailan. Sora’s smile grew brighter and bigger as she watched the carriage doors open and watched as King Maric elegantly stepped out of his carriage followed by Cailan.   
“Ahh King Maric, it has been a long time my friend, my family and I, especially Sora welcome you and Prince Cailan to our home.” Bryce bowed before his old friend as the rest of his family followed suit. Once Cailan and his father bowed back to them, although it wasn’t necessary. Sora couldn’t resist any longer and ran over to Cailan and wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled her face against his. “Cailan! I missed you!” she said with excitement and it was at the moment she never realized just how much she had missed Cailan until she saw him in person. Sora could hear King Maric, her father, Fergus and even Ser Gilmore chuckle and laugh at the exchange.  
Cailan had been also a bundle of nerves ever since the beginning of their trip to Highever and he felt his stomach tighten up as they approached the gates, which was quite out of character for him to be this nervous, but something felt different this time. When Cailan had stepped out of the carriage he smiled at everyone around him, but his eyes then became fixated on the beauty before him and he hadn’t realized just how much Sora had become a beautiful ravishing looking woman in that year they were separated. He couldn’t the thoughts that he was having, in fact the exchange between his father and Bryce Cousland was barely noticed. He bowed to the family as his father bowed and before he even knew it, Sora was in his arms and her face against his. She smelt wonderful and she was gorgeous…this visit may be not his average weekend, he was attracted physically to his best friend and he wasn’t sure how to handle this. She wasn’t some random lady at court who he could conquer, she was his best friend and practically like a sister, but his hormones and what appeared to be their physical body chemistry was telling him something completely differently. “Its wonderful to see you as well, Sora. It has indeed been to long.” He purred out without meaning to purr out, fuck, he was already trying to seduce her without meaning to seduce her, he was going to need a cold bath at this rate.   
Sora punched him lightly in the arm as she pulled away. “You hardly write anymore and you should have visited sooner.” Sora had caught on to his tone, but in her mind, it was just a game he was playing with her. Sora looked up into his eyes with a smile and a slight grin. Cailan found that he was losing himself in her eyes as he looked into them and at that moment, he knew that things would be different between them, he just didn’t know whether this change would be for the better or for the worse.


	2. Friendly Attractions

Desire is Pain and Pain is Desire Chapter 2 – Friendly Attractions  
Fergus had noticed the exchange between his baby sister and Prince Cailan and it was obvious to anyone who truly knew them that a spark had just been ignited and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He had heard rumors about Cailan’s ‘activities’ at court, and the stories that Cailan told him personally when he visited and he wasn’t too comfortable with the idea that his little sister could be one of his many conquests, a number, just a simple notch in his belt; the idea made his stomach turn. Fergus turned to look at Ser Gilmore and it was evident with the look on Ser Gilmore’s face that he had noticed the same exchange as well and he was worried about the same thing. Fergus nodded towards him hoping he understood his message to keep an eye on them before he returned back inside the castle to spend some time with his own wife and child.  
“So since you’ve been cooped up in that carriage for so many days, how about you and me go on a ride together? Get some fresh air and away from everyone in the castle who will be trying to get your attention. Mom and Father invited other noble families so I’m sure that they will want to speak with you.” Sora rolled her eyes as she folded her arms over her chests while taking a step back from Cailan.  
Cailan didn’t know how to respond to that because he did want to be alone with her, but he also didn’t trust himself to be alone with her and he couldn’t describe how grateful he was when he saw Rory come up to the both of them. “I like the idea of going on a ride, and Rory here can join us too, what do you say Ser Gilmore?” Cailan chuckled as he nodded at his old friend. Ser Gilmore bowed to Prince Cailan then to his lady Cousland before addressing them. “I would like that very much, your majesty.” “Are we going to start this again Rory? No pleasantries, or formal ways of addressing me or her, when its just us; we are friends after all.” Cailan said with his characteristic smile and light laugh as he turned his attention back to Sora. “Well then, shall we go?”  
Sora was happy to have Rory join them, but some part of her wanted to have alone time with Cailan, well she would just join him later in his room, and they could stay up talking and catching up in private later on. Sora shrugged as she walked with her two best friends to the stables and occasionally messing with Cailan’s and Rory’s hair. “I say we go to the water, it’s a nice spring day and we can all go for a swim.” Sora said as she smiled at the stable hands getting their horses ready for them. Sora then heard a bark and looked at Thor with a sigh. “Alright, you can come too.”  
“A swim?” Cailan said in an unsure voice, and it wasn’t because he wasn’t sure about the water or anything else, it was because he was picturing Sora in the water and it made his lower regions respond in delight at the thought. “Oh come on, Cailan, is his majesty now scared of that water?” Sora chuckled as she got on her horse. “Oh…screw you, you’ll pay for that comment, alright fine, to the water it is.” He wasn’t about to be showed up by Sora and for those brief seconds he remembered that they had been friends long before his hormones kicked in and he realized he didn’t want to jeopardize anything…well that’s what he was telling himself anyway. Rory had forgotten how entertaining those two had been, but he could tell that things weren’t exactly right between them, and he wasn’t sure if it was because they hadn’t seen each other in so long or if it was because Cailan viewed Sora differently, because Sora appeared to be her normal self around him. Rory just shook his head as he got on his horse and waited for his majesty to join them.  
“Well Sora, I guess you should lead the way since you are my guide and it has been to long since I have been swimming in this region.” Cailan looked at Sora with a smile as they started on their way out of the courtyard.  
Rory decided to keep up the rear and glanced over his shoulder and noticed two royal guards on horseback as well behind them. Well at least if anything happened, he knew that they would be fine.  
Sora had been a little surprised, maybe even worried at the pace of the conversation between her and Cailan, it seemed almost like idle chatter rather than two best friends catching up, maybe he was just tired, maybe she shouldn’t have pushed him into a ride to the ocean. Sora sighed as she hung her head, but she was happy that they had finally arrived at the water. “Come on, over here, this is has always been a nice spot.” Sora said with a smile as he trotted her horse over to her family’s relaxation location. Sora got off her horse and asked Cailan’s guards if they could take care of their horses for them.  
Cailan raised an eyebrow at how excited Sora was over the ocean, but then again this was goofy Sora. Cailan got off his horse as well and followed behind her to the edge of the water as he looked on. “Water looks good and it isn’t that cold, surprisingly, Well what sha—ll-“ Cailan’s words were cut off as he turned his head at the moment that Sora started to strip down to her undergarments. She had this little top to cover her breasts and this underwear, which showed off her backside quite nicely. His friendly thoughts were no longer friendly.  
“Cailan, come on lets go. The water looks amazing.” Sora said as he took off the last bit of her clothing and went into the water. Sora swam a little bit out so that she could on the water without a problem. The waves appeared to be quite calm as well. Cailan looked back and forth between Rory and Sora, and when he noticed that Rory wasn’t joining him, he could have strangled him. He was going to be in the water alone with Sora. Cailan groaned as he started to remove his clothing as well.  
Ser Gilmore had no intention of getting into the water with those two sexually frustrated friends of his, not in the slightest, in fact he was going to spend his time keeping an eye on them and talking to the two guards who accompanied them on the trip. “I’ll be here if you need me.” Rory called out to them as he took a seat on the ground, and was going to watch the scene before him play out.  
Cailan walked into the water then swam over to Sora, his chest glistening in the sun light, with water beads over his shoulders, chest, and face. Sora smiled at him as she swam over to him and lightly splashed him in the face. “Come, lets go over here, there is a more private area, not so open.” Sora said as she ruffled his hair some more then started to swim around the rocks until they were out of sight. She noticed that Thor followed them by staying on land. Thor never did seem to trust Cailan or even Ser Gilmore, maybe it was because they were men, who knew, she wasn’t always good at reading her mabri.  
Sora smiled as she saw the small enclosed area and those smooth rocks, it was as if this area was made just for relaxation. Sora then turned and jumped on Cailan as she wrapped her arms around his neck as she looked at him. “Now that we are alone, what is wrong with you? You haven’t been you, since you arrived. You have only told me boring tales, nothing of your recent conquests or any mischief that you’ve been up to in Denerim, in fact, you’re acting as if it’s the first time we’ve ever seen each other.” Sora’s eyes filled with disappointment and sadness as she stroked his hair and looked into his eyes.  
Sora was so beautiful, kind, hilarious, schemer like him, and now certainly ravishing, how could he act like himself when he was now attracted to her. “I’m sorry Sora, maybe it’s because of the long trip. I don’t know.” Sora had always been affectionate with him, but now….he enjoyed more so than ever. Cailan wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her close. “I’m sorry again. I am excited to be here though for your sixteenth birthday.”  
“You’re lying…I’m not as naïve as I use to be…I’ve known you for close to ten years. What is going on, Cailan? Please…and tell me the truth for once.” Cailan didn’t know how to respond to her request, should he be honest with her or continue to play this game of being tired with her. Cailan stroked her face lightly as he leaned in. “You’re beautiful and you’re not the little girl who I trained and played with, you’re a woman and more beautiful than any woman I have come across…If you want me to be myself then fine, I will be myself.” Cailan pulled Sora closer to her body and kissed her softly as he ran his hand down her back.  
Sora didn’t know how to react to what Cailan was telling her, he thought she was beautiful? She had always thought Cailan was handsome, but the thought never crept into her mind for something more. Sora eye’s widened as she felt Cailan’s lips upon her, it took her a moment before her eyes closed and relaxed into it. Her first kiss, with Cailan Therin, and somehow it felt right.  
“Now, do you understand why I’ve been awkward around you? You are beautiful, ravishing, and certainly arousing.” Cailan softly said as he pulled back from the kiss, but continued to stroke her back. “I think I understand….” “I don’t want you to be just another conquest, you’re far too special for that.” “I-I see…then let this visit be an experimentation visit…I’ve never done something like this before and I’d like this experience to be with you.” Sora felt her face beginning to blush as she spoke those words to Cailan and she was also hoping that Cailan would agree to this idea. “So what you are saying is…this visit is about us getting to ‘know’ each other without any binding conditions? I understood that correctly right?” Cailan wanted to be absolutely sure he understood what she had said correctly. “Yes…that is exactly what I want.”  
Cailan smiled a bright smile as he pulled against him another time and kissed her passionately as his hands brought her hips against his other hand tilting her head back so he could deepen the kiss. Sora didn’t know if this was the right thing to do, but by the Maker it felt right.


	3. A Passing Daydream

Chapter 3 – A Passing Daydream

Cailan’s father had planned to stay at the Highever residence of Teryn Cousland for close to a week, and in those six days that they were there, Sora and Cailan had made the most out of them. Ser Gilmore knew exactly what was happening between them and he also knew to cover for them as well, and they had never been more grateful to him for it. Sora and Cailan spent every waking and sleeping moment with each other, during the day they laughed, talked, kissed, touched each other, and as night descended each night, it became more heated.   
At first, their make out sessions were heated and Sora would retire to her room for the evening so Cailan could take care of his ‘problem’, then it turned into desire, passion, and lust, as Cailan showed her the pleasures that a man could provide a woman, and by the fourth night, Cailan had taken her virginity and she was happy to give it to him. Cailan had been gentle, loving, and kind. He never rushed her, and it was that night that they both realized that their ‘terms’ at the start of their experimentation were no longer valid, they had fallen for one another and it was beautiful. The next night, was no longer about a slow paced love making sessions, but one of lust, heat, and animal instincts, and they relished in how they made each other feel, but still understood the responsibilities they each had to their families so each night since they first made love, Cailan would cum on the outside of his lovely girl, and it killed them both that they could truly be complete with one another, but scandal would rock the nation if she bore a child to a prince and there was no marriage, especially when everyone was aware of the rumors of the women in line to be his betrothed.   
The days and nights passed like a dream, and she didn’t want it to end, in fact, her heart ached at the idea of Cailan going back to Denerim, but she knew he had to and appearances had to be maintained. It was the night before his departure and she knew where she was off to. Thor waited outside of the prince’s room and made sure no one interrupted his mistress.  
Sora stepped into the room and looked at Cailan as he relaxed on his bed reading a book by candlelight, she briefly smiled, before a somber expression graced her face. Sora walked over to Cailan’s bed silently before she crawled into it and snuggled her face into his chest as she wrapped an arm around his stomach.   
“I know…I know…I’m leaving tomorrow. Its almost unreal isn’t it? I do promise to visit more than once a year, if I can, but since you are sixteen, you will be able to visit me at court, because now you can get a proper lady upbringing and be introduced to society.” Cailan laughed as he pictured it. “You can come into my room late at night then we could continue to explore each other and make enough noises to make my guards blush, you do tend to be pretty loud.”   
“Well if my memory serves me right, you also weren’t too quiet when my head was in between your legs.” Sora fired back at him with grin as she hit his arm. “Ugh…don’t even make me think about that, the idea of being around those ladies who have never even picked up a blade makes me nauseous….” Sora shuddered at the thought of it. “So…about you leaving, I was thinking, that maybe between you and me we are I guess seeing each other, but while you are in Denerim, you act as if nothing has changed, in fact please sleep with as many women as you normally do.” Sora hated, no despised the idea of Cailan being with other women, but she knew that was a prince and couldn’t all of a sudden just become celibate even if hurt every part of her being.  
“Sora…thank you for being so understanding of our situation, and I agree. Look, those women don’t even mean anything to me, they wish they meant something to me so that they can become my woman, but I assure you no has ever captivated me the way you do, now each time I return to Highever or you visit me in Denerim; I am yours…and only yours…remember that.” Cailan said in his smooth voice as he tilted her head up to meet his eyes and then kissed her. “You are mine…and I am yours, always remember that, and now, I do have something better than talking about stuff like this, and it involves you screaming my name.” Cailan whispered against her lips as he rolled on top of her and started to roll his hips against her while his lips started to travel along her jaw line and along her neck. Sora moaned lightly as she felt his arousal fully hard as it rubbed against her. “mmm, yes, your majesty.” Sora purred out as she wrapped her legs around his. “Hush, you.” He growled as he consumed her lips with his.   
For the rest of the night, sounds of soft grunts and moans could be heard from the prince’s bedroom. Yes, tonight would be a beautiful night, a night of endless love making into the dawn of the morning, a night where they made promises to each other to cherish one another and to never hurt one another, because they would always be friends first and lovers second, and this was a relationship that would never die.  
*****6 years ago****  
Cailan and Sora had maintained their appearances for over two years since they first confessed their feelings for one another and in those two years, Cailan visited her and she visited him and no one else, but Ser Gilmore, Fergus and the lovers knew what was really going on. Two years of lovemaking and passion between the two. Fergus could have sworn that the two of them were soul mates destined to be together, and maybe even in marriage. The Fates, Andraste, the Maker, whoever watched over their world intended for this dream to eventually come to an end.  
Sora had heard rumors that King Maric had been lost to the seas and that meant that Cailan would become King soon and that also meant that things would change for them. She heard rumors that the Therins’ had been considering the Couslands’ to join the royal family in marriage, and although that idea seemed like a dream it still made her jump with excitement, especially because she had just received word that Cailan was to be arriving in a couple of days.   
The time came when Cailan’s carriages pulled out and the soon to be king stepped out of his carriage, from the moment, Cailan stepped out of his carriage she knew that something was wrong and her gut instinct told her the same thing. Her father welcomed Cailan to his home and gave his deepest condolences on the loss of King Maric, Sora listened to the pleasantries exchanged between the two and as per usual she bowed before her prince, and when she looked into his eyes, she knew the news would kill her. Sora excused herself and privately spoke to Ser Gilmore and told her that if Cailan wished to speak with her, she would be in her room. Sora’s heart ached as she glanced at the floor while she walked and she lightly smiled at Thor as she heard his whine and felt his muzzle nuzzle against her hand. “I’m okay…boy, I’m okay.” She whispered as she tried to convince herself more than Thor.  
Sora had waited close to two hours before she glanced up at noticed her door had opened and Prince Cailan in her room. Sora waited a few moments before jumping off her bed and running over to her lover and embracing him closely. “I missed you so much…and I know something is wrong…just wait okay…” Cailan nodded as he nuzzled his face into her hair and kissed her deeply as he ran his hands over her back and down to her firm, but soft ass, then back up over the curvature of her breasts. “I missed you so much.” He whispered into her ear as he startled to nibble on the outside of it.   
“Shh…we don’t have time for this now, as much as both want to have time for this, tonight, you will have my body once again tonight and all the other pleasures I can give you.” Sora purred out as she found herself running her hands down his chest then lower and lower.  
“Sora…we must talk today…I am to leave to visit many of the other Teryns and tell them the news about my coronation.” Cailan said as he reluctantly pulled away and went to go and sit on her bed.   
“I have already assumed what this visit was about or the serious expression on your face or maybe it’s the fact that you aren’t even hard for me after touching soo yes, I have already figured out that we have to talk and I can only assume it has to do with your coronation….so its official then, that you will be crowned King soon.” She said simply and plainly as she followed her arms over her chest as she leaned against the wooden beam.   
“Yes, you are right this visit has to do with my coronation, but that isn’t the issue. I have been prepared to take the throne for years now, its what comes with my coronation that makes me worry about us, you see…it turns out my father had made arrangements before he passed in regards to who I am betrothed to, I tried my hardest to have it be you, but the council wouldn’t hear of it, because it was my father’s wish. I am to marry Anora…. General Loghain’s daughter…” Cailan said as he looked up at her trying to figure out how she would react to this news.  
“Ahh…I see, we knew that the chance of us getting married was slim to known although the dream was wonderful while it lasted and I also understand why it has to be Anora, Fereldan, would adore the idea of you marrying the daughter of the general who saved Fereldan.” Sora said softly as silent tears streamed down her face. “So is your coronation going to be a wedding at the same time?”  
“Yes…yes it is.”  
“Then you will understand that I can not be there the day of your coronation. When is your coronation?” It sounded like two businessmen laying out their terms, but she couldn’t react to this the way she wanted to because she knew it would only make it harder on Cailan not easier.  
“I understand and I would never ask you to be there either. You know you deserve to be my queen as much as she does, right? The wedding should take place in a year give or take, maybe 9 months from now.”  
Sora nodded with a hesitant smile. “I never had any doubts about whether or not you would make me your queen, but I also knew that it would never be solely up to you. So then…in these 9 months that we have together, we are together and we have each other and no one is going to get in the way of that, but after your wedding, I cannot become your mistress.”  
“Why? Why? Are we ending what we have over her? It’s a political marriage, Sora, nothing else.”  
“I understand that this isn’t a marriage over love, but a marriage of convenience, but that doesn’t change the fact that Anora is to be become Queen of Fereldan, and Cailan, would you really want a scandal to break out over you being with Teryn’s daughter instead of your wife? Or if we decide to actually fully consummate and a child is created? You, yourself told me you had a bastard brother, although you never met him, the controversy it caused in court was quite scandalous and it would be worse, because its with another noble’s daughter. C-Cailan…we can’t.” Why did Cailan have to make this harder than it already was, she was going to lose Cailan, and talking about being a mistress made their relationship just seem inappropriate and dirty.  
“So…us…it just ends right here, this year, just like that over some bitch, who I have met only a couple times….” Cailan nearly growled at her as he narrowed his eyes, this was not the answer he was hoping for.  
“I cannot be your mistress…it was a dream Cailan, just a dream of you and me together forever. Hey…maybe if you are lucky, she’s infertile and then you can marry me.” Sora laughed lightly as she tried to stop the tears from flowing down her face as she walked over to the bed.   
Cailan reached over and pulled his lover to him and against his chest as he rocked them back n forth. He couldn’t lose his love over this…he just couldn’t, he had already lost his father, and now to lose the one person who truly got him and understood him, never.  
“Alright…. nine months and until then you are the only person who I will be with and we will go from there…” Cailan looked down at his soul mate as he deeply kissed her and proceeded to make love in the middle of the day despite whatever consequences that may befall on them.


	4. Reality's a Bitch

Chapter 4 – Reality is a Bitch  
*** 4 years ago***  
It had been close to two years since the day that Cailan had told Sora about his betrothal to Anora. In that time before Cailan’s coronation, they saw each other frequently given the distance between their two locations, but each time they saw each other, their love grew, as did their pain of what as to come. Their lovemaking had become more passionate than ever and at times it was as if their lives depended on it, but they kept it up for nine months, until right before the wedding. They had even made love the night before his coronation and wedding. It was a last type of gift that they could give each other. Life was cruel and they both that it was time for their fantasy to come to an end.  
Sora had heard that Cailan’s coronation had bee a beautiful one and the wedding as well, and she kept up her appearances expressing her deepest ‘regret’ over missing her best friend’s coronation and wedding, but her brother knew the real story as did Ser Gilmore, so they backed her up that day in Denerim, and told the Teryn and Teryna that their daughter was just to sick to attend and that she would cause a disturbance. While her parents and brother were gone at the coronation, Sora had cried into Ser Gilmore’s chest, she cried for Cailan, she cried for the future that could have been hers, she cried for the amount of jealousy that consumed her body at how everyone was happy for Anora, and most of all she cried for love, because love did not conquer all. Ser Gilmore had done his best to try and cover her ears to the sound of the crowds outside, to the cannon’s firing in celebration and especially to the bells that started to ring to signal the coronation and wedding had been completed. Thor helped as well as he started to bark and howl at the same time to drown out the noise of the bells.   
Despite everything Sora felt she knew that she couldn’t just let Cailan go, so a month into his new marriage, Sora, Fergus and her father were visiting the new King and Queen, and it was to Sora’s delight that the Queen was currently on a tour of the country. Sora stayed obediently by her father’s side as Fergus spoke with the knights of the castle and her father at Cailan’s side talking about the status of the country and their situation with Orlais.  
It was until nighttime that things had become more interesting. Sora yawned, as she knew it had been time for bed, she was just thankful to the Maker that Anora hadn’t been at the castle when they arrived. Sora removed her clothes until she was just in her bra and underwear as she climbed into bed. She decided to read by candlelight until she found herself tired enough to go to sleep. Sora smiled as Thor was already asleep on the carpet next to her bed. “Fine, don’t join me up here then.” She chuckled as she started to read her book, but when she heard a noise coming from her door, she raised an eyebrow, but told Thor to calm down as he stood up and started growling, but she was a more than surprised when Thor stopped growling and started wagging his tail as he ran towards the door. Sora looked up, and immediately covered herself up as she saw the person who had come in. ‘Cailan…’she thought to herself as she looked upon his form.   
Cailan smiled at Thor as he reached down and petted him. “Good boy, and I missed you too.” Cailan said as he closed the door behind him. “Sora…” He said simply as he walked towards her bed. “Covering up for me, I do believe that I have seen everything that you have to offer.” Cailan chuckled as he made his way over to her bedside and sat down on the edge of the bed next to her.  
“Yes, but that was when you weren’t a married man, and now you are. What are you doing here?” Sora asked as she placed her book on her nightstand. “Isn’t it obvious, Sora? To see you of course…” Cailan purred as he reached under the covers and started to stroked her thigh then moved to her inner thigh. “Did you really expect me not to come and visit you?”  
“Yes and n-no…” Sora knew this wasn’t a good idea, but she found herself getting moist just at the simple touch of Cailan’s hands. She pictured his lips against her neck, his hands in places that drove her crazy, and his well-endowed member moving inside her until she just couldn’t take it anymore. “Cailan…you need to leave.”  
“You don’t really want me to leave do you? You didn’t miss me?” Cailan grinned as he gracefully, but quickly moved onto the bed and threw her sheet off to the side as he positioned himself above her. “Your King and lover requires some attention. I need to feel you.” Cailan whispered against her neck as his hands ran over her stomach then gently over the little bit of fabric that covered her clit, he could feel the warmth already, he knew that she wanted him and he certainly wanted her.   
‘That bastard…’ Sora thought as she tried to hold back every moan that threatened to slip past her lips. He knew exactly what her weak points were. “Cailan, what about Anora?”  
“What about her? She’s cold as ice in bed; We’ve only had sex maybe three times since the coronation. I hate touching her, she has no life to her in bed, she just lays there, and I try to picture you when I am with her, but can’t seem to, because she’s practically dead in the bedroom. It would be an insult to picture you while I fuck her, she could never do you justice.”  
“So we do really want to do this, make love while your wife is blissfully unaware.” “Yes…” Cailan moved his head above hers so he could look her in the eye as he waited for her answer. “Maker forgive us for what we are about to do.” Sora said as she kissed and pulled him completely on top of her.  
Sora and Cailan had maintained their relationship a year into his marriage, but it just came to a point where she couldn’t take it anymore and Sora decided to end her relationship to Cailan. Sora and Cailan during the time after their initial break up would write to each other on occasion, but after a year since their initial break up, they never spoke to each other again, and in fact when his father would visit King Cailan, she would not come with him. Her parents didn’t understand what had happened and tried to force the issue, but she refused to budge and instead focused on her training more with each day that passed.   
*** Present Day***  
It had been eights year practically to the date since she had lost her virginity to Cailan and she couldn’t help, but have her mind drift to Cailan during those times, but she hadn’t seen Cailan in four years and she was confident it would be a long time before she ever saw him again. She had been hurt at his betrayal, and she had been betrayed, he had made her feel as if he had only been interested in the sex she had provided him…the bastard. She wanted to continue their written correspondence and occasional meetings, just without the sex, but he refused so she knew that she no longer meant anything to him. Every now and then she would cry herself to sleep, she had tried to remove Cailan from her heart and mind, but it was impossible. She was twenty-four years old now, and still had yet to be betrothed, after what had happened with Cailan, she couldn’t bring herself to fall in love with anyone else, in fact she had slept with one person since Cailan, and that person happened to be Ser Gilmore on a night of drunken stupidity, and they both knew that it had meant nothing. He found her attractive and she needed comfort and a way to get rid of the pain so they both turned to each other.   
Sora groaned as her attendee told her that her father wished to speak to her, she knew that her father and brother were being set to Ostagar to fight against the darkspawn, so she was positive that it had something to do with that. Sora made sure she was presentable before she made her way downstairs to the grand hall and smiled at her father and she heard her childhood nickname.   
“Ahh…pup, I didn’t see you come in, Arl Howe has just arrived and we were discussing about our troops advances towards Ostagar.”  
“Ahh, yes greetings, Arl Howe, it has indeed been a long time, I hope you have been well.” She said in a sweet, but pleasant voice. She never liked the man, but she did was expected of her.  
“Oh my lady Cousland, it has indeed been a long time, and I hear that you are a force to be reckon with here in Highever that you can even teach a knight a lesson or two. My son, Thomas, would be very interested in meeting with you to test your skill in battle.” Howe had said in his closed off demeanor, but kept his nose high.  
“I’d like that very much, but don’t expect a marriage out of it.” Sora chuckled as she turned to her father. “What did you wish to speak to me about, Father?”  
“Oh yes my dearest, I needed to let you know that while Fergus and I are gone, you will be the head of the castle and will be running things here. I know you will be able to handle yourself just fine.” Bryce said with the utmost confidence in his little spitfire.  
“I will do as you say, Father is there anything else that you require of me?”  
Bryce frowned ever so slightly in his little girl’s demeanor, she had become colder with every year that passed since King Cailan’s coronation, and he had wondered long ago if there had been a connection to that incident. His daughter was rebellious, vocal, and bowed to no one, a woman of grace, yet you knew she was loyal, but this woman before him was cold, a warrior, and yet an obedient daughter, but it was as if she had no love to spread to anyone anymore. “I need you to tell Fergus that he will be heading out this morning instead of tomorrow. The arl’s troops have been delayed so there is no reason for ours to be delayed as well.”   
“I will do that, is there anything else?” Sora said coolly, already bored with the conversation.  
“Actually, yes, Guard, please show Duncan in.”  
Sora found her self raising an eyebrow at the man walking into the grand hall, he had to blades on his back and she could tell that he wasn’t the average warrior.  
“Pup, this is Duncan, he’s a Grey Warden, here in Fereldan and he has come to Highever in search of recruits, in fact he is looking at Ser Gilmore if I’m not mistaken.” Bryce chuckled before he continued was he was saying. “You know about the Grey Warden’s don’t you, Pup?”  
Sora listened to her father’s dialogue about the Grey Warden’s and remembered the stories she had heard, and maybe just maybe, that should be life for her. Her interests were peaked when Duncan spoke about her, but of course her father spoke about not having all of his children going to war and something about the right of conscription. In either case, Sora bowed to their guests and went in search of her brother.   
Today was just not her day, first she had to settle a dispute between Nan and Thor and then she had to deal with more pleasantries with her mother’s guests before she finally got to Fergus’s room.  
Sora walked in on Fergus sharing a kind, respectable, loving moment between his wife and child. Fergus then turned to Sora and smiled as he said, “and here’s my little sister to see me off. Now dry your eyes, love, and wish me well.” Sora chuckled as she asked “Just let me know when you two are finished?”   
“When there is a man in your life you will understand.” The words came out of Fergus’s mouth before he could stop them and he felt even worse as he saw the hurt look stream across her eyes.  
Sora just sighed and shook her head. “I bring word from father that the Arl’s troops have been delayed so you have to leave today in fact.” “Then the Arl’s men are delayed. You’d think his men were all walking backwards.” Fergus said with a sigh then smiled at his wife and son. “Well I better get underway. So many darkspawn to behead so little time!”  
Sora rolled her eyes, but laughed lightly at her older brother, Sora then turned as she saw her parents walk in. “father…you could have delivered the message personally if you were going to come up here anyway.”   
Bryce shook his head as he said, “and miss having both my children in the same room at the same time? Not likely.”   
Sora huffed, but understood her father’s reasoning. Sora listened quietly as she listened to her sister-in-law speak and mother, she idly heard some crude comments made from her brother and father, but she wasn’t really paying attention anymore, she just wanted to withdraw and go to her room. Sora then pulled Fergus aside and looked her brother in the eye as she whispered, “do you mind doing me a small favor while you are gone?”  
“A favor? What kind, little sis?” “See how Cailan is doing, you don’t need to speak with him or anything, but just observe and let me know…please…just do this for me.” “Sora…. alright…if that’s what you want. I hate how much pain you are in and how much pain you keep putting yourself through.” Fergus said lightly as he placed his hand on her shoulder. “I’ll be fine, Fergus and thanks for doing this for me.” Sora then leaned forward and kissed her brother’s cheek before giving him a quick hug. Sora then said good night to her parents and retired for the evening.   
Little did she know that she would find out for herself just how Cailan was doing sooner then she would have ever imagined.


	5. Nightmare Awakened

*Author’s Notes- I still haven’t decided if I’m going to follow the story line and kill off Cailan in order to give Alistair a chance, but I do have an attachment to Cailan…so we shall see…* 

Chapter 5 – Nightmare Awakened

Sora groaned in her sleep as she rolled back in forth as she kept hearing Thor growl and occasionally bark at the door. ‘I swear, I’m going to kill this dog,’ Sora thought to herself as she rolled out of bed and looked at the mabri. “What’s going?” Sora then took in his appearance and at that moment she knew something was wrong. “Keep anyone from coming inside, and let me change.” She told Thor as she got dressed in her armor rather hastily and was grateful that she never listened to her mother about not storing her armor and blades in her room. Sora’s head whirled around as she heard the open and a servant cry out for help and before she could react, he dropped down dead in front of her. Thor immediately left the room and started to attack the men who were now intruders in their home. Sora regained her composure and set out to end the lives the men who were attacking her castle.   
Sora and Thor had managed to clear the area of their bedroom, and Sora was more than relieved to see her mother, but became worried when she didn’t see her father with her. After a brief discussion about what was happening in the castle, Sora couldn’t believe that Howe was betraying their family after so many years of friendship, but that wasn’t her concern at the moment, she needed to find her father.  
Sora’s heart broke as they stumbled across Fergus’s wife and child slaughtered…. they harmed even the innocent it seemed, Howe would pay for what he had done. It had taken a while before Sora and her mother had made it to the hall and Sora could not begin to express her relief that Ser Gilmore was still alive. “Ser Gilmore, thank the Maker you are safe, but have you seen my father?” Sora called out as she tried to catch her breath and rub the blood that was on her body off.   
“The last I saw of the Teryn was that he was with Duncan, the Grey Warden, and something about the servant’s entrance, but the teryn did appear to be hurt quite badly.” Ser Gilmore had a somber expression as he held his head down in shame. “I’m sorry that I was not able to protect him and your family.”  
“You have done more than enough, Rory. I have to go find my father, come with us.” Sora pleaded with her best friend as she walked over to him. Ser Gilmore shook his head and leaned in as he placed a soft kiss on Sora’s lips. “You go ahead, I need to keep the front gates safe for as long as I can, be safe my lady.” Rory said as he ran to the front gates. Sora ignored the looks from her mother, and she knew what the look was about, but she was about to lose her best friend and he was protecting her and her family.   
Sora and her mother continued on their search and was more than relieved to find him by the servant’s entrance, but relief turned to dread, as soon as she saw the blood on the floor. “Father!” She cried out as she ran over to her father’s side.   
“Pup…. dear, I’m so glad you two made it safely here. I tried looking for you, but Howe’s men tried to run me through right there, then Duncan found me and took me here. He actually went in search for you two, I believe.” Bryce said as he started to cough as his voice got weaker. “We need father, we need to help you get up and lets go, the servant’s exit is just right here, please dad.” Sora begged her father to move, but it was becoming more obvious to her, by the second that her father wasn’t going to making it out of the castle alive. “Then we will stay and fight.”   
Duncan came in as Sora spoke those words and shook his head as he spoke, “I’m sorry the castle has been taken, and they soldiers are combing the castle as we speak, they will discover our location soon we must leave. We must make our decisions now.” Bryce nodded his head and with a raspy voice said, “Yes, I understand, I won’t survive the standing, but can you save my daughter and my wife, please take them to safety.” “I will do this for you, but I must ask for something in return, I came to Highever in search of a recruit to fight the impending that is about to befall on our world, and the darkspawn threat demands that I leave with one.” Duncan said firmly, but solemnly as he glanced from Bryce to Sora. “I u-understand…” Bryce said with a light nod as he closed his eyes and leaned into his dear wife.  
“Are you talking about me? I can’t become a Grey Warden, I have to take care of you and someone has to let Fergus know of what has happened.” Sora tried to plead with her father about his decision. “Pup, We are Couslands and we do what must be done” “I understand, Father.” She was not about defy her father’s final wishes. “Then I offer you a place amongst the Grey Warden’s.” “Duncan, I accept your offer.”   
“Then its time that we made our escape.”  
“Darling, its time that you and Duncan, leave, I’ll remain here with your father and protect your escape.” “E-Eleanor, no.” “Hush, Bryce, this is for our children and their future, they will have more time to escape if I remain and I’ll kill every bastard that walks through that door.” Eleanor firmly said without a hint a hesitation in her voice. “I’m sorry it had to end this easy, my love.” Bryce managed to say as he knew his time was slowly ending. “Our children, will leave on, our time is done, and we have had a wonderful life together, now go my darling go.”   
“I love you both so much….” Sora said as tears streamed down her face as she felt Duncan’s hand on her arm pulling her up. “They are coming, we must go now.” Duncan yelled as he dragged Sora off her feet as they both ran out of the castle and away from the Terror that had flooded and overcome castle Cousland.


	6. Remember Me

**Author’s note – I tried to include as much dialogue from the game as possible, but sometimes I couldn’t find pieces of the dialogue so I tried to do as much from my memory as possible**

Chapter 6 – Remember Me  
Duncan had said that they would be traveling to the ruins of Ostagar to find against a large horde of darkspawn, where the King and his armies have gathered and as soon as Duncan mentioned Cailan, her stomach dropped, but at that moment she felt no dread, happiness, or sadness, her soul was an empty void. She traveled mostly in silence with Duncan and she was grateful that Duncan had given her that privacy and that he understood that she needed her own time to contemplate and have alone time. Sora felt her energy leaving her body as they traveled to Ostagar, Sora had injuries of her own, but she couldn’t feel pain or pleasure and all that was on her mind was the goal to get to Ostagar and find Fergus.   
Sora barely acknowledged when Duncan to her they were approaching the ruins of Ostagar, but her heart did stop for a brief couple seconds as she watched familiar a man with blond hair and an ever so handsome face approaching them.  
“Ho there, Duncan!” Cailan said excitedly as he approached the Grey Warden Commander.  
“King Cailan, I didn’t expect a-” Duncan said with surprise, but was cut off by his majesty’s voice. Sora watched the exchange with interest, but remained quiet at Duncan’s side, she didn’t know if she even had the heart or the energy to even respond to Cailan.  
“A royal welcome? I was beginning to worry that you were going to miss all the fun.” Cailan said with a smile to his new found friend.  
“Not if I can help it, your majesty.”  
“Then I will have the mighty Duncan at my side in battle, after all glorious!” Cailan then started to turn his body and shifted his eyes to the body next to Duncan, “I heard from the other Grey Warden’s that you had found a promising r-recruit…” Cailan stopped mid-sentence as his eyes came upon the Grey Warden recruit, it couldn’t be Sora, but it was, just older and more mature, but even more beautiful than he remembered, but he couldn’t falter anymore than he already had. “I take it this is she.”  
Sora couldn’t described how much it hurt by having Cailan dismiss her in such a way, it was as if she was being betrayed all over again, Sora had spent all of her tears on her parents and her home and she didn’t have any left for Cailan and she was grateful, for Thor understanding her feelings.   
Thor growled and barked at Cailan as he barred his teeth and started to advance on the other. Sora gripped his fur tightly and started to stroke it as she whispered. “He’s not worth it…. please.”  
Duncan was more than just a little confused, but there was another time for those type of questions. “Let me introduce you, your majesty.”   
“There is no need Duncan, you are Bryce’s youngest are you not? I don’t think we’ve ever actually met.” Cailan said slightly strained as he couldn’t decide whether to look Sora in the eyes or not, but he could tell this wasn’t the story from years ago, she looked worn out, cold, it was as if life had been taken from her.   
“Are you not even aware my father is dead?” Sora said with a voice filled with ice and despair.  
“Dead, what do you mean dead? What is the meaning of this, Duncan?” Cailan couldn’t believe what he had just heard, this must have been some sort of game, Sora was playing to get back at him, but he knew that Sora wasn’t a cruel person and she wasn’t the type of person to make jokes about this type matter.   
“Teryn Cousland and his wife are dead, your majesty, Arl Howe has shown himself a traitor and overtaken Highever castle, had we not escaped, he would have killed us and told you any story he wished.” Duncan stated matter o factly as he tried to clear the air.  
“I-I can scarcely believe it! How could he think he would away with such treachery! As soon as we are done here, I will turn my army north and bring Howe to justice, you have my word.” Highever Castle had basically been a second home to him and Sora’s parents had sometimes been better parents than his own, Fergus was the older brother he never had, and Sora had been his first love and so far only love, so yes…Highever Castle had many fond memories and was home.  
“Thank you, your majesty.” She said plainly as she bowed lightly to him. Cailan didn’t know how to respond to her tone, so he tried to keep a straight face. “Fergus is out on patrol, so he should be back in a couple days, after the battle.” Sora nodded, but didn’t respond.  
Sora then listened to Duncan and Cailan talk about the situation at Ostagar and she was finding it hard to focus. Sora leaned into Thor as she found herself losing focus. After the events at Highever and meeting Cailan after 4 years, her body couldn’t take it anymore. Thor barked at Duncan repeatedly as he felt his mistress begin to lose her balance. “Lets go, Thor.” She said as she gripped Thor’s fur and started to walk. “I will find you later, Duncan.” All she needed was a cot and lay down for just a little bit.  
“If we may, we can continue this discussion later, your majesty, but I must see to my recruit.” Duncan bowed before his king before he turned to Sora and held her up by her waist.  
“I-I understand…I will take my leave then.” Cailan wanted to help Sora, but he knew that he couldn’t engage in such conduct, so instead he turned around and took his leave of the situation. Cailan would find his moment later to speak to her, he had to, it had to be destiny for them to meet again in such a place or the Maker was cruel enough to show him his precious one, but not to be in reach of her, to touch her, or to hold her…yes, maybe the Maker was cruel indeed. ‘Andraste, please let me just hold her one more time, let smell her hair, touch her skin, feel her flesh against mine’, was the only thing running through his head as he walked towards Loghain’s tent.  
“We should have a couple of days before the darkspawn arrive at Ostagar, so that will give you plenty of time to rest up. I will take you to the Grey Warden tent, so that you can rest.” Duncan said quietly as he held her up.   
“Thank you, Duncan.”  
Duncan led Sora to their encampment and gave her a cot to lie down on as he re-bandaged a couple of her wounds. Duncan also managed to scramble together some soup and bread for the lady. He would tell Alistair of his arrival and his new recruit. Duncan let his new recruit sleep and was happy to see that her faithful mabri never strayed from her side as she slept.


	7. Awaken me

Chapter 7 – Awaken Me

Sora woke up a couple hours later to Thor licking her face; apparently he figured three hours of sleep was enough for now. Sora sat up and stretched as she glared at her hound. “You know…you didn’t have to wake me up just because you were bored.” Sora rolled her eyes as her mabri barked and wagged his tail at her. Sora groaned at how sore she was, but managed to stand up as she started to put on her armor and equip her blades. ‘Time to find Duncan,’ Sora thought to herself, but another part of her mind added, ‘don’t you mean, Cailan?’ Sora ignored that part all together and pretended that she didn’t even think about that.  
Sora yawned as she came out of the tent, but stopped suddenly as a man in armor appeared before her and she realized who this man was for she had seen them many times before, royal guards. “Can I help you with something?” She asked as she followed her arms over her chest.  
“My lady has been requested by King Cailan to appear before him in his tent, I was told to come get you once you had woken up, and he insists you join him.”   
‘Of course he insists, the prick…. nice abuse of power, Cailan.’ Sora snorted as she thought to herself. “I have important business with Duncan, so the king will have to wait.”   
The guard couldn’t believe at the audacity of this woman, but he already had an answer for her. “The king had spoken with the Grey Warden, Duncan, already and he gave his permission for you to meet with King Cailan, so I suggest you follow his orders.”   
Well it seemed that Cailan really was persistent, and she wasn’t sure as to why, why did he want to see her now after all these years, why, because he saw her again? Was he going to be expecting something from her? She had so many questions running through her head that she realized; maybe talking to Cailan would give her the closure she desired…maybe. Sora nodded as she unfolded her arms, “Alright, lets go.”  
Cailan had been a mess since he had run into Sora, he didn’t know how he would handle the situation, but he did find that he needed to speak with her, especially before she became a Grey Warden, after all, she may not even survive the joining.   
Sora followed behind the guard as she stepped into the royal tent, Sora tried to catch her breath as she saw Cailan’s back turned towards them and with his armor off already. His back was as toned as ever, his hair a bit longer, but his overall body was just a welcome memory. Sora found herself becoming hotter by the second, she was not going to blush; she was not! How could he still have such an affect on her?!  
“Your majesty, I have brought the Grey Warden.” The guard said firmly as she stood at attention.“Thank you, you may leave and I insist that no one come in and disturb us, that includes General Loghain. I wish to have an uninterrupted moment with the Grey Warden.” Cailan said as he continued to look at the map before him. He couldn’t bring himself to turn around just yet. “Yes, your majesty.” The guard bowed before he backed up and then left the tent.  
Sora did not move from her spot, she didn’t think she could even if she wanted to, but she knew that she wouldn’t say the first word, she needed to hear how he was going to address her.   
“Sora…” He softly said as he hung his head, before he turned around and looked at her, and since they last time he saw her, he really took in her appearance, the friend he had in childhood, the lover he had come to adore, and the love he had lost.

“Your m-majesty…”Sora wanted to smack herself about how her voice shook.  
“Cut the shit, Sora. I am not your king in this room. I’m Cailan and damn it, don’t this here after so many years.” Cailan’s eyes softened as he started to walk towards her.  
“Don’t do what? Treat you as if you’re nobody in my life? Treat you as if I’ve never met you before? Or treat you as the man who broke my heart?” Sora snapped as her eyes narrowed and she knew from that moment on that the floodgates had been opened between the two of them.  
“Broke your heart!? You broke mine, you ended it, all you wanted was to talk and see each other! Did you expect me just to see you and not be able to hold you in my arms, to talk to you like a friend and only a friend and not like my love just like that?” Cailan snapped back as he advanced on her.  
“What!? You used me for sex, you wanted nothing more to do with me once I broke off the physical intimacy part of our relationship, and all of a sudden you stopped speaking to me, what did you expect me to think?”  
“I expected you to know me, to know that you were never just a physical thing, you were the woman I wanted to marry, and in fact, you are still the woman I want to marry, but I can’t!” Fuck, she was frustrating, but the fire in her eyes stirred something in him, something he hadn’t felt in years.  
“I thought I knew you and then…you acted as if you didn’t know me.” Sora tried to hold back the tears, but her tears weren’t falling due to sadness, but due to anger and frustration at Cailan; she had so many emotions building within her that she didn’t think she could anything back anymore.  
“I was in shock, I hadn’t seen you in four years and then bam! You pop up in Ostagar and as a Grey Warden, and you expected a ‘oh hi Sora, missed you, and love you still, what are you doing here?’”  
Sora laughed through her tears as she heard what Cailan said, now that she thought about, it did sound kind of foolish.  
“Sora…” Cailan said as he pulled her against his body and groaned as she started to struggle in his arms. “Don’t fight this, don’t you dare fight this.”  
“I hate you! Cailan, you, ruined me and now you are expecting for everything to be completely normal between the two of us, how dare you! I hate you.” She screamed into his chest as she hit him, but Cailan remained silent, but firm, as his arms did not budge. He held her until her yells became sobs, until her sobs became quiet sniffles, and it was at the moment that he tilted her head up to look at him. “I never stopped loving you,” Cailan said as he leaned in and kissed her.  
Sora leaned into the kiss then quickly pulled away as she shook her head. “I can’t accept that so easily.” Sora stepped away from Cailan as she made her way to a lounge chair. “You can’t expect to just kiss me and then everything will be alright.”  
Cailan was growing more frustrated by the second with his woman. “Sora…you are every man’s dream, you are every man’s fantasy, you are the woman who I see myself with, who I see having kids with, this is now a possibility, Anora, has not produced an heir yet, and even after all these years, she is basically a friend, I never once fell for her, I would annul my marriage for you, and no one else. You were just sex, because it has never been just about sex between us. When you and I slept together for the first time, I took your virginity as your man and future husband, I didn’t want another man to ever touch you the way I did, to hold you or to protect you, this was my duty, but it seems that you don’t hold me in high regards as I do you.”  
Sora could barely find the words to form a reply to Cailan, especially once he mentioned Anora’s name. It was true, Anora hadn’t given him a child yet, and by Fereldan law he could seek an annulment, but that couldn’t be the sole reason she forgave it would just make it look like all she wanted was to become queen. “Cailan, if I were to indulge these ideas of yours, would we actually try and have a relationship rather than random encounters and sex.”  
“Well, assuming we survive this battle then it would be as normal as we could make it, but the sex has got to stay.” Cailan chuckled as he walked over to her and squatted down in front of her. “One more shot?”  
“One more shot.” That’s all that needed to be said, before their lips connected, neither fought the sensation of anger, betrayal, love, passion, lust, sadness, despair all those emotions came to the surface with that one kiss and both of them knew that from that moment on they could rebuild from what they once had, because in that one moment, they had both awakened each other. 

**Author’s Note- This chapter was really complicated, because I wasn’t sure how I wanted their first conversation to be…Next chapter will be more steamy between the two and more relationship talk maybe even a talk about children? Who knows! We shall in the next couple of chapters   
If you have any suggestions or questions, please send me a message!**

**Sex scenes will get steamer, but I just didn’t want this fanfic to be about the two of them having sex all the time…or to be one of those fics where they focus more on describing the sex rather than the relationship**


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